who's dumping whom?

cowok-sby wrote...

Im getting realized, If I join this gay world, no need to use the feeling..
everytime I begins something with good thing always ends up into a bad thing..
funny how I like the classic romance, something natural, something that actually most people want..
I never did something I didnt like..I like my ex's cos they are now still my bestfriends..
but later on..
I might think to change..

its like this guys..Im only 24, I always interested with older guys, my first bf,
he is now my bestfriend, even my date from aussie (we met regularly long time ago)
he's now happy to tell his story about his marriage with a woman..
well I met some jerks ofcourse..and they are not worthed to remember..

and there's one day, I met this guy, I met from the net, really nice, we talked on the phone before for many times..
the problem is, I met him in my best time..
I was almost graduated..

One day, I dared him to see me, but in my campus, to see my Italian Drama Class. I was only the announcer not the actor. It was my final exam and my last subject to finish my bachelor degree..
so quite important moment for me..

I thought I was bluffing, I knew he wouldnt come but..in fact, he was there! I was surprised and happy..
well, he didnt look like the pict he gave me, but he was ok..
I didnt mind.. so.. we talked.. and he came by to my room, we ate sop buntut in a waroeng which is visited mostly by students, in front of my room as I promised him..
(he liked to try new place to eat) he said it was good..ok..
I liked it if he liked it..
and then we talked in my room, my empty room..(cos some of my stuffs were already packed cos I had to go abroad to study in a few weeks after). It was really nice..we talked about anything, everything..I had childrenbooks in dutch and I read em for him in Indonesian.. we talked about National Geographics, his hobbies, and finally he showed his familiy's pict..ok..good progress I thougt so, at that time..

and then..that's it..no sex! wow! he had to go home and I had to go to place to take care of my visa..he brought his motorbike and he took me there..ok..he was nice..
He knew that I was going to go to europe then..

second meeting..after all of the sms's...he said he was hungry and nothing to eat at home..so..I asked him to eat at my place..he came..we ate together..and we went to my room..talked again about everything..and ended with sex..he was funny, he was easy to be tickled..so I tickled his tummy sometimes..he was lil bit mad..but I liked it..he liked to look in to my eyes and make me feel embaressed..and then we never had the chance to meet again untill I went to europe for three months..

In europe, I met one Italian guy (he was a stupid asshole, it was a mistake), and I wrote my experience there to this mailist, and I wrote some of my fantasies too (only fantasies) and I never knew that he was here too! so he read my email here..when we chatted, he asked me bout the "Italian guy"..I was surprised, I didnt want him to know actually, he siad "u have the right to make friends with anyone you like" I was thinking "is he jealous? well, good then! I like it if he's jealous!" I thought I liked him, but I knew we never mentioned anything bout relationship, I knew that he knew that I liked him, I guess he liked me too..guys..I still like him anyway..but he never replies my sms, he doesnt even want to pick up my phone..

Was I cheating on him?
man! whats wrong with these people who dont want to pick up the phone and let someone else to talk?

I tried to forget him, but I cant..I did..but he comes back in my memories, last night I was thinking bout him and I dreamed about him..cos he's worthed, he's too beautiful to be forgotten..God dammit "xxxx" I stil keep your sms! and I read it all the time! I never delete your email!

what do you think guys?

ps: if you see QAF, I'll never wanna be Bryan..kinky, having sex here and there..I like it like Michael and his boyfriend (what's his name) Y the hell not? (eventhough Im not going to marry this guy anyway..)

miss you, I really do..I dont care if you believe me or not..at least those two days we met were beautiful for me..they are!
well, luckily now Im busy and never have a chance to meet someone new..